Domestic abuse and violence

Violent behavior is any behavior by a person that threatens, harms, or injures another person or themself or destroys property.

Anger and arguments are normal parts of healthy relationships. But anger that leads to threats or violence, such as hitting or hurting, is not normal or healthy. Physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual abuse is not an acceptable part of any relationship.

Do you have a friend, coworker, relative, or neighbor who you think may be in an abusive relationship?

Here are some signs to watch for:

• Bruises or injuries that look like they came from choking, punching, or being thrown down. Black eyes, red or purple marks at the neck, and sprained wrists are common injuries in violent relationships.
• Attempting to hide bruises with makeup or clothing
• Making excuses like tripping or being accident-prone or clumsy. Often the seriousness of the injury does not match up with the explanation.
• Having few close friends and being isolated from relatives and coworkers and kept from making friends
• Having to ask permission to meet, talk with, or do things with other people
• Having little money available or not having access to credit cards or a car

Other warning signs:

• Having low self-esteem or being extremely apologetic and meek
• Referring to the partner's temper but not talking about the extent of the abuse
• Having substance use disorder
• Having symptoms of depression, such as sadness or hopelessness, or loss of interest in daily activities
• Talking about suicide, attempting suicide, or showing other warning signs of suicide. Encourage this person to talk with a health professional.

Be supportive, and let your friend know that you are there to listen and help.

If you are in an abusive relationship, it's very important to make a plan for dealing with a threatening situation. And if your partner has threatened to harm you or your child, seek help.

• Anytime you are in danger, call 911.
• If you don't have a safe place to stay, tell a friend, a counselor, your doctor, or a faith leader. Don't feel that you have to hide what is happening.
• Have a safety plan for how to leave your home, where to go, where to stay, and what to take in case you need to get out quickly.
• If your partner is abusive, don't tell them about your plan, so you can stay safe after you're away.
• For more help in making your plan, call:
  • The National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). Or go to www.thehotline.org to visit the website.
  • Your local police department, hospital, or clinic for the local crisis line or for names of shelters and safe homes near you.

Other things you can do

• If you are seeing a counselor, be sure to go to all appointments.
• Teach your children how to call for help in an emergency.
• Be alert to warning signs, such as threats or drinking. This can help you avoid danger.
• If you can, make sure that there are no guns or other weapons in your home.
• If you are working, contact your human resources department or employee assistance program to find out what help is available to you.

If you are in an abusive relationship, ask for help. This may be hard, but know that you aren't alone. Help is available.

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). Or go to www.thehotline.org to visit the website.
• The National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline toll-free at 1-866-331-9474 or (1-866-331-8453 TTY). Or go to www.loveisrespect.org to visit the website.
• The Childhelp Line toll-free at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). Or go to www.childhelp.org to visit the website.

If you no longer live with your abuser, contact the police to get a protective order (restraining order) if your abuser continues to harass or pursue you, threaten you, or act violently toward you.

If you've been a victim of abuse and still have problems related to the abuse, you may be affected by depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These conditions can be treated. Talk to your doctor about getting help.