What is domestic abuse and violence?

Violent behavior is any behavior by a person that threatens, harms, or injures another person or themself or destroys property.

Anger and arguments are normal parts of healthy relationships. But anger that leads to threats or violence, such as hitting or hurting, is not normal or healthy. Physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual abuse is not an acceptable part of any relationship.

Intimate partner violence—a type of domestic violence—can take many forms. It can affect your mind and emotions, or it can be physical or dangerous to your life. If you're not sure if you're being abused, ask yourself the following questions.

Does your partner:

• Hit, shove, slap, kick, punch, or choke you?
• Threaten to hurt or kill you?
• Call you names or tell you that you are crazy?
• Criticize things you do or say, or criticize how you look?
• Hurt your pets or destroy things that are special to you?
• Blame you for the abuse they commit?
• Limit where you can go, what you can do, and who you can talk to?
• Unexpectedly check up on you at your workplace, home, school, or elsewhere?
• Try to convince or force you to have sex, perform sexual acts you're not comfortable with, or sexually assault you?
• Threaten to have you deported?
• Apologize and tell you it will never happen again (even though it already has)?
• Control all your money and finances?
• Keep you away from family and friends?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship. There are people who can help you. You are not alone. Talk to someone you trust, such as a friend or a doctor. Or get help from a center for victims of domestic violence. Talking with someone can help you make the changes you need to stay safe.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you find resources in your area. This nationwide database has detailed information on domestic violence shelters, other emergency shelters, legal support and assistance programs, and social service programs.

• Call 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233).
• Call 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
• Visit the website: www.thehotline.org.

If you are in an abusive relationship, it's very important to make a plan for dealing with a threatening situation. And if your partner has threatened to harm you or your child, seek help.

• Anytime you are in danger, call 911.
• If you don't have a safe place to stay, tell a friend, a counselor, your doctor, or a faith leader. Don't feel that you have to hide what is happening.
• Have a safety plan for how to leave your home, where to go, where to stay, and what to take in case you need to get out quickly.
• If your partner is abusive, don't tell them about your plan, so you can stay safe after you're away.
• For more help in making your plan, call:
  • The National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). Or go to www.thehotline.org to visit the website.
  • Your local police department, hospital, or clinic for the local crisis line or for names of shelters and safe homes near you.

Other things you can do

• If you are seeing a counselor, be sure to go to all appointments.
• Teach your children how to call for help in an emergency.
• Be alert to warning signs, such as threats or drinking. This can help you avoid danger.
• If you can, make sure that there are no guns or other weapons in your home.
• If you are working, contact your human resources department or employee assistance program to find out what help is available to you.

If you are in an abusive relationship, ask for help. This may be hard, but know that you aren't alone. Help is available.

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). Or go to www.thehotline.org to visit the website.
• The National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline toll-free at 1-866-331-9474 or (1-866-331-8453 TTY). Or go to www.loveisrespect.org to visit the website.
• The Childhelp Line toll-free at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). Or go to www.childhelp.org to visit the website.

If you no longer live with your abuser, contact the police to get a protective order (restraining order) if your abuser continues to harass or pursue you, threaten you, or act violently toward you.

If you've been a victim of abuse and still have problems related to the abuse, you may be affected by depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These conditions can be treated. Talk to your doctor about getting help.