What is violent relationships?

If you are in an abusive relationship, it's very important to make a plan for dealing with a threatening situation. And if your partner has threatened to harm you or your child, seek help.

• Anytime you are in danger, call 911.
• If you don't have a safe place to stay, tell a friend, a counselor, your doctor, or a faith leader. Don't feel that you have to hide what is happening.
• Have a safety plan for how to leave your home, where to go, where to stay, and what to take in case you need to get out quickly.
• If your partner is abusive, don't tell them about your plan, so you can stay safe after you're away.
• For more help in making your plan, call:
  • The National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). Or go to www.thehotline.org to visit the website.
  • Your local police department, hospital, or clinic for the local crisis line or for names of shelters and safe homes near you.

Other things you can do

• If you are seeing a counselor, be sure to go to all appointments.
• Teach your children how to call for help in an emergency.
• Be alert to warning signs, such as threats or drinking. This can help you avoid danger.
• If you can, make sure that there are no guns or other weapons in your home.
• If you are working, contact your human resources department or employee assistance program to find out what help is available to you.

If you are in an abusive relationship, ask for help. This may be hard, but know that you aren't alone. Help is available.

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). Or go to www.thehotline.org to visit the website.
• The National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline toll-free at 1-866-331-9474 or (1-866-331-8453 TTY). Or go to www.loveisrespect.org to visit the website.
• The Childhelp Line toll-free at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). Or go to www.childhelp.org to visit the website.

If you no longer live with your abuser, contact the police to get a protective order (restraining order) if your abuser continues to harass or pursue you, threaten you, or act violently toward you.

If you've been a victim of abuse and still have problems related to the abuse, you may be affected by depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These conditions can be treated. Talk to your doctor about getting help.

Here are some things you can do to help a friend or family member who is in an abusive relationship:

• Let your friend know that you are willing to listen whenever they want to talk. Don't confront your friend if they're not ready to talk. Encourage your friend to talk to their doctor or a counselor. If your friend is someone you work with, suggest they talk to the human resources manager or their supervisor to see what resources might be available.
• Tell your friend that the abuse is not their fault and that no one deserves to be abused. Remind them that domestic violence is against the law and that help is available. Be understanding if your friend is unable to leave. They likely know the situation best and when it is safest to leave.
• If your friend has children, gently point out that you are concerned that the violence is affecting the kids. Sometimes it's hard for people in abusive situations to see the harm it has on their children.
• Encourage and help your friend make a plan for staying safe while in an abusive relationship. Support your friend if they are preparing to leave a violent relationship. Learn about how the person can stay safe after leaving.
• The most dangerous time may be when your friend is leaving the abusive relationship. So make sure that any advice you give about leaving is informed and practical.

The most important step is to help your friend contact local domestic violence groups. There are local programs across the country that provide options for safety, support, needed information and services, and legal support. To find the nearest program, call:

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). Or go to www.thehotline.org to visit the website.
• The National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline toll-free at 1-866-331-9474 or (1-866-331-8453 TTY).

Be careful giving your friend written information. It may not be safe for them to take it home. See if you can keep it for them. Your friend should be careful online too. Their online activity may be seen by others. They shouldn't use their personal computer or device to search for these programs. Offer to let your friend use your computer or device. Or they could use a safe computer at work or a library.